Bulwer-Lytton Bad Fiction

August 1, 2007

I feel a little dirty even linking to the Bulwer-Lytton Contest results, but some of the entries are too horrible to pass up. You’ll have to go there yourself to see the winner, but here are a few selected runners-up and dishonorable mentions:

From the science fiction category:

Racing through space at unimaginable speeds, Capt. Dimwell could only imagine how fast his spaceship was going.

In adventure:

Agent 53986262.9 was strapped precariously to a giant Chinese firework, the fuse slowly shortening like a noodle getting slurped into someone’s pursed lips, and although he knew he was running out of time and still had no plan for escape, all he could think of was the song about the Muffin Man and how the word “polyurethane” made it sound like the material was made out of multiple urethras.

Vile Puns has some of the biggest groaners of the lot:

The droppings of the migrating Canada geese just missed the outdoor revelers at the inaugural Asian math puzzle competition, marking the first time that dung flew over Sudoku Fest.

Tags: Humor, Writing