Indefinite Hiatus
June 15, 2008
I no longer plan to write. So, for the time being, I have no further reason to maintain this site.
Whatever I once had as a writer appears irretrievably lost. Maybe it was all an illusion. Regardless, everyone I grew up with and everyone I met when I was younger and first considering what it meant to write has given art up. They all appear happier after doing so.
I’m tired of toiling alone. I’m tired of being the invisible man. It’s time for television and happy hour. It’s time to figure out what to do "after." The path I’ve been on has brought me nothing but loneliness and disconnection from other writers and other people. I fit into no group. The only people I feel a connection to prefer someone else. One from the past who moved on and away, one from the present who continues to choose an admittedly loveless relationship. So be it.
I’m not in danger. Something in my head has always been broken. I’m just finally accepting it and moving on.
All me-stream all the time.
content rss
June 15th, 2008 at 11:12 am
While I can’t contradict your reasoning I do question the premise that you’ve lost your ability to write. Of course I’ve not known you long enough to gauge Where You’ve Come From, only What You Do Now–I do attest tha the latter is impressive.
I myself daily pit fear of failure against failure to try, so I empathize with the inclination to abandon it all. But it’s a siren’s call, and I for one would do what I could to help, even if it’s just to share the proverbial beeswax when I find it.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:02 am
I don’t know you at all, or your writing. I happened upon this blog this morning while updating a links list for someone.
You sound very depressed. I have a feeling that your impulse to stop writing at this point is largely due to the pain you’re experiencing caused by the person who is choosing a loveless relationship. Writing can be a lifeboat, too, in addition to the feelings of isolation it often seems to bring–sometimes you just have to grab onto it. I hope you keep writing. Take care.
June 24th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Not blogging I can understand. Not writing at all?? That can’t be a good thing for you, Chris. I hope you’ll find your compass and the right direction for “moving on.”
June 30th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
“I no longer plan to write. - That’s a fair statement, but when the urge comes to write something down, why not listen? Life’s trying to tell you something. (”Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon, “Beautiful Boy”)
Whatever I once had as a writer appears irretrievably lost. - Maybe you’re looking too hard. I just went through this for the last year. I’m (hopefully) finishing an MFA this fall, and I’ll be damned if I hadn’t forgotten how to be myself this last school year. All I needed was to suddenly stop caring so much, and I love writing again.
They all appear happier after [giving up art]. - “Ignorance is bliss, but it’s also ignorance.” — zimdog (as far as I know)
I’m tired of being the invisible man. - Isn’t it usually the heavily compromised writers that get published? Not that I’m a history-ologist or anything, but celebrated writing seems to remain invisible until it can be understood.
I fit into no group. - That’s what makes you a good writer.
I’m just finally accepting it and moving on. - Sounds to me like you’re giving up.
I think it’s safe to say every writer’s dream is happiness from recognition. It’s even safer to say this is nearly always a pipe dream. This is part of what makes writing important: suffering, the gift that keeps us humble.